I am a survivor


From: Nicholas Guy 


I am a sexual assault survivor.

My name is Nicholas Guy. I am a member of the Winona community. I am a lifelong resident of Winona. I had two brothers that are both now deceased. My eldest brother was a genius in many ways, gifted in mathematics and the arts and the opera. He performed in choirs across this world. He died of AIDS in 1989, the year I was married. My second brother was a gifted maverick, he used people to attain his own goals. He disappeared from my life decades ago only to return 15 years ago to reveal to me a huge part of my missing life. I am part Seminole. My mother lied to me. The person I was told was my father was my step-father. I am a result of a one-night stand. My mother served in the volunteer Naval Reserves called the WAVES. She met a member of the Seminole Nation and I was the result of that one-night stand.

I suffer from severe PTSD. A family member raped me sometime before I was eight years old. This was easily accomplished as I was fed alcohol for a long time prior to the rape. In the 1950s GPA, genetically predisposed to addiction, was unheard of. All Native Americans are predisposed to this addiction to substance abuse. It was easy for my rapist to accomplish this.

I have spent the last five decades of my life as an alcoholic. I never had a family role model to teach me anything. I was alone. And I was also born with Asperger syndrome. I was always alone and could not even trust anyone to consider being a friend throughout my entire life. I was married briefly for about 11 years and helped bring two magnificent children into this world. Because of the rape and my life thrown into confusion, married with no social skills I suffered a mental health breakdown in 1999. I spent nine months in prison and was released into an uncaring world.

In 2012 after years of going through useless treatments for alcoholism the flashbacks of my rape returned. In crystal clarity, I relived all my relative did to me. And my life moved forward finally. I consider 2012 to be my rebirth.

I was reborn in 2012. My second life is how I refer this rebirth. I often wanted to die by suicide because I never felt I was a part of anything until I realized why I never fit into anything. There was always a part of me that could never commit suicide. I hung on for a reason. And here I am today. I survived what was done to me. Five long years ago, going through intensive treatment, I rebuilt my life. This was my choice. With all the therapists involved in rebuilding me, the one major point was my choosing to decide I am a real person who has a right to live.

I rebuilt my life by choice. I became heavily involved in community service in many areas, I felt I could make a difference, to be an example to help others. I am a member of the Winona Human Rights Commission. I am a member of the Winona County Parks and Environmental Committee. I belong to Honor the Earth, Land Stewardship Project, and NAMI, National Alliance for Mental Illness. I speak for NAMI in all areas of mental health awareness and support. I am an advocate for ACES, (adverse children experiences). It is my hope to be trained in August 2017 to be an ACES facilitator. April 2017, I went through an intense, emotional training for two weeks to become a Minnesota certified peer support specialist. I graduated on April 14, 2017, with this certification and license through Minnesota DHS.

I have a request to readers of this piece I submit. I am aware of the feedback concerning media coverages of crime in this area. I always hear the comments of “wink wink nod nod” of the perpetrator was a victim of a bad childhood. Laughter with no understanding that how you are treated as a child models you into adulthood. Be a little compassionate before passing judgement from now on, please?  


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