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by Fran Edstrom
 Oh, those wedding
fork blues
Weddings bring out the best in some and the worst in others.
When I was a bride, I was a very grouchy one. John and I nearly
called it off. But we didn't, and he has learned to live with
a grouchy woman, I guess.
Morgan's sister Cassidy, who is her maid of honor, is one of
those people who loves a wedding. She, usually more at home with
some esoteric tool like a router or welder (or whatever they
are), just goes all domestic and crafty when it comes to weddings.
She seems to actually enjoy going shopping for brides' dresses
and bridesmaids' dresses and she's known far and wide for the
bachelorette parties she throws.
For a shower her friends are throwing for Morgan, Cassidy is
making little favors and has some goofy game to play. It's nice
to have someone in the family to take on the little niceties
of such an event, because I am definitely not into little
niceties.
I'm more of a big picture sort of person who is willing to let
the details of an event fall into place by themselves. But I'm
finding that a wedding is nothing but details. Since the
wedding reception is outdoors, we must rent everything.
When I told John the price of each piece of flatware, he quickly
did the math and smoke started to come out of his ears.
"How many pieces of silverware does each person need?"
he demanded.
"Well," I said, "a minimum of four -- two forks,
a knife and a spoon." He huffed and puffed about that to
the point that I started thinking of alternatives. Maybe we could
just hire a guy to go around and cut the guests' meat for them,
I thought. We could post signs declaring the reception a knife-free
area, like airports are. We could start rumors about fears of
terroristic groomsmen. Or my sister suggested giving everyone
a plastic "spork," or putting little cards on the tables
telling the guests to save their dinner forks for the wedding
cake.
But there really is no way to get out of giving the guests eating
utensils, short of sending out postcards asking them to bring
their own.
I was sharing these thoughts with Cassidy, who in her detailish
way reminded me that we will also need cups, saucers, salt and
pepper shakers, butter knives, cream and sugars, coffee pots,
cake plates, water glassesAargh!
This is just too much for a person who successfully avoided birthday
parties at Chuckie Cheese while raising three kids. My idea of
a great birthday party was to let the kids run around wild, corralling
them only long enough to eat cake and take part in the "ugly
face" contest, which involved taking a Polaroid picture
of each kid's idea of his ugliest face and letting them vote
for the ugliest. With my party-giving background limited to that,
how can I draw on my experience in this wedding reception?
Maybe we could just have a pizza party? (Why can't we all just
get along?)
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