From: Dean Nuszloch
Warning: The subject matter in this letter may be objectionable to readers with high morals and good character. You need to stop reading - NOW. To the rest of the readers with low morals and questionable character, you may continue to read.
As I approach geezerhood and now qualify for discounts on meals and entertainment, I also have noticed some physical deterioration. One such area is my hearing. I am starting to have trouble distinguishing like-sounding words. Combination of age, exposure to loud equipment, and psychotic bosses have all been contributing factors to my hearing problem. This was most evident last week when trucking up I-35 during morning rush hour. As I was entering south metro before the I-35 split, traffic was grinding to a halt. Not only was traffic compressed but so was my bladder. I could not help to recall the famous line that our former Governor Jessie Ventura said in the movie, ‘The Predator.’ “I ain’t got time to bleed!” Well, in my case, at this moment, “I ain’t got time to p--!”
As traffic inched along I had on a shock rock radio station. The station format is to mix classic rock with any type of outrageous talk. Having most of my attention to the traffic, I was not paying much attention to the jock’s conversation. At one point I recalled them discussing something about women and their Volvos. Being distracted by traffic, I thought to myself that is a little unusual for this station. After all, this topic would be more for ‘Car Talk.’ A couple of minutes went by before the shock jocks got my attention again. I thought I heard the female shock jock say, “It’s about time that independent women take charge and control of their Volvos.” Being distracted by traffic again, I thought to myself why would these shock jocks be talking about independent female truck drivers who own and operate their own trucks. And why just a specific brand of truck as the Volvo truck. After all this was not the ‘Radio Trucking Network.” It was not until I got east of the I-35 split when traffic thinned out that I got a chance to pay more attention to the conversation on the radio. As they were finishing up their conversation, it was then I realized exactly what they were talking about. Now I wished I could have paid closer attention. I was shocked to find out that they were not talking about women and their Volvo cars. I was shocked to find out that they were not talking about female truck drivers and their Volvo brand of trucks. What they were talking about was gender specific to the anatomy of a woman.
I was so aghast when I realized this, that I almost drove my semi-truck into the ditch. Thank goodness I didn’t, because it could have been tragic. I could have severely damaged my Peter...bilt.