I just passed the three-year mark since my wife passed away, and I think itís time for a little score keeping. Although many people donít think that life is a competitive event, I beg to differ. Life is a strict teacher and a hard grader. I think over all Iím passing, but Iím certainly not acing life right now.
I know that I often write about my failures in the kitchen, but I think thatís just a symptom of bigger problems of survival. I remember hearing the question, ďDo you eat to live, or live to eat?Ē somewhere in my early life. I try to answer agreeing to the first part of the question. My culinary skills are strictly for survival. In my younger days, that wasnít quite so, but life has thrown some health roadblocks in front of my taste buds so I try to provide food for energy to survive. I treat my body like a hybrid car. I provide simple fuel, but once in a while, I throw in a little premium gas.
Iíve been chided by friends and family for not eating out more, although Iíve been eating out about three or four times a week lately. My eating at home comes from two propositions. First, when my wife first died, my doctor/counselor told me one of the best ways for men like me, who had been married for a long time, to get along was to try to keep living in the same manner as usual. As a couple we seldom ate out. (Keep in mind she was a great cook.) Second, although restaurant food is tasty, it often doesnít agree with some of the dietary restrictions fate has saddled me with. Yes, I also know folks who say, ďYou arenít going to live forever anyway; eat what you like.Ē I have trouble with that philosophy for a number of reasons. So I prepare my own meals and risk burning or poisoning myself in the process.
Lately Iíve been having a little trouble in the ďPlays well with othersĒ category. Some days I find myself not wanting to play with others at all. I know thatís a dangerous attitude and I try to guard against it. I think there are medical people who might call that ďdepression,Ē and I know thatís not good. Iíve got to get working on my social skills.
Okay, Iíll get into it. Others, including my children, say things like, ďThere are women out there who would like to get together with a guy like you.Ē I also know that could cure some of the above problems too, but I guess my big problem is Iím afraid. (There: Iíve said it!) Iím not sure I could go through losing someone again and I donít want to saddle someone else with taking care of me if I become incapacitated. Itís sort of a negative ďsix of one and a half-dozen of the other.Ē
Tune in next year at this time and see how Iím doing.
I hope you are doing Steamboat Days activities.
You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org